New York Month One: Reality Check
It's been a month since I moved to New York City to follow my dreams to become a fashion photographer. And the starving artist life is not romantic at all.
This month was hard. Adjusting to a new city, where I practically know no one, was something I was not prepared for. Witnessing the lack of work-life balance in this city was appalling. Working 50-hour weeks is also very draining, physically and especially emotionally. I realized I wasn't as brave as I thought I was, and I cried a lot, I complained, and went through very depressing days. There was so much fear, uncertainty, pessimism. This month was a reality check. Within my first two weeks I thought about quitting my internship and moving back to California, a place of love, safety, comfort, and familiarity.
But some days give me a glimpse into my dreams again, and I'm reminded of why I made this decision to move to New York in the first place. Meeting new friends who try to sell me on the amazingness of New York, rubbing elbows with long-time idols, hearing my friends from back home cheering me on in admiration, finding new models, bloggers, and dancers to shoot, and attending fashion week brought me back some of that optimism. With Facetime dates, I feel closer than ever to those friends from back home. I'm bonding with other artist souls who relate to my struggles. I'm exploring a city that I've always loved and learning to make it my home. I'm slowly making my dreams come true, even if I can't see it.
I'm growing through the pain, and coming to the realization that maybe freedom is a double-edged sword. Writing your own destiny isn't all that it's cracked up to be, but without the struggle, what's the meaning of success? I'm determined to live a life with no regrets, and this is just the beginning.
“Don’t be in such a rush to figure everything out. Embrace the unknown and let your life surprise you.”
I'll try.
The thrill of amassing cute clothes on my own dime was addicting. I overconsumed, convinced I was winning because I saved so much money.
Trusting my body, becoming a mother, and rebuilding myself during a long, transformative year.
I insisted on directing and editing my own wedding film, and one year later, it’s finally done.
Pregnancy is a magical moment in your life when you discover the extent of womanhood, something that connects you to all the generations before you. Depicting the essence of maternity had to be done against the backdrop of the natural landscape.
This website has seen all the twists and turns of my career, mirroring my journey in all its messy splendor. I’m proud of that.
I’ve been working and grinding so much in life that it’s surreal to be like oh… I’m here, I’ve arrived.
Grateful to be at an age where my beliefs are more steady than they’ve ever been, shaped by my own lived experiences rather than outside influence.
Simon and I got married at an Italian villa in the beautiful hills of Southern California, and Studio Sophy gets the exclusive inside scoop.
We planned our entire wedding doing what we wanted rather than listening to what other people thought we needed. And it resulted in one of the best parties ever. Come behind the scenes.
Photos albums are highlight reels of our lives, where I get to tell my story through my own eyes.
I’m happy to be growing into the self I was always meant to be — an unapologetically ambitious, gut-listening, calendar-jamming, relentlessly curious, introspective, and solitude-loving eternal optimist.
Learning Photoshop, buying a domain name, getting laid off, and other failures that defined my life and turned it for the better.
Simon and I always joke that we act like we’re in our late 30s: paying mortgage, taking care of ourselves, and honestly just working towards things we truly enjoy.
I recently sold my first car, and even though I really don’t care what I drive, I’m a little sad to have lost a piece of my early adulthood.
I get so lost in where I want to go I forget that the place I'm in is already quite magical. - Rupi Kaur
In my early adult life, I bounced from one sublease to the next, trying to get through the days on the cheapest place I could find with the least commitment required. This was the journey to our first home.
I ran 13.1 miles this past weekend. That’s 12.1 more miles than I thought could ever do.
Exactly 20 years ago, on this very day, I landed at LAX. My dad packed my luggage into a rickety Toyota Previa, drove us home to our one-bedroom apartment in East LA, and I started my new life in America.
Not doing it all doesn’t mean I failed. Instead it just means I am really good at a few things.
It’s easy to convince myself that an entire year of my life has been wasted. But in retrospect, lots of stuff happened. Because even though you’re at home, life goes on.
They enrich my perspectives, expose me to diversity and new opinions, and allow me to look at life and the human experience in new fascinating ways.
I think if we get anything out of this year. It’s that we can live our lives a little more calmly, a little more authentically.
Spending time with a baby is the perfect antidote to all this AI addiction.