Pause
I hope this blog post finds you well. Really.
What a roller coaster these past 5 months have been. One day it’s an outbreak on a cruise ship, another day the stock market shuts down. Then the world shuts down down. Layoffs. Recession. George Floyd is killed and the country protests. The U.S. Covid death toll surpasses 100,000 and is expected to double. Power outages. Wildfires. Election anxiety. We’ll all riding this roller coaster together, in the midst of the biggest vertical drop, free falling and unable to see the end.
In these chaotic times, our lives have taken a back seat. I’m very fortunate to still have a job and be able to work safely from the comfort of my own home. But life has been put on pause. If not for coronavirus, I’d be running my first half marathon this month, attending friends’ weddings, and welcoming my sister to the Bay Area to start her first job. Instead, I’m living days that feel mundane and extreme at the same time, losing grasp of time and reality.
Social Connection
It’s certainly been interesting seeing the effects of the pandemic and social distancing on social connection. We all went into this expecting to use social media and shift our social lives online. But in reality, nobody wants to do social media nowadays. We all suffer from Zoom fatigue, and honestly have no “content” to share anyway. Anyone want to see my fifth failed attempt at sourdough bread?
We often fantasize about a futuristic world where we’d all hang out in virtual reality and be connected with everyone even though we’re physically apart. Now I’m realizing nothing can replace that in-person connection. Not even for the introverts. We’re social beings; we need each other.
Entertainment
YouTube is my window into the world of entertainment and advertising. From my anecdotal observations, the effects of the pandemic on the entertainment industry and consumerism have been devastating, to say the least. Despite the waning amount of new content being released, it has been phenomenal to see how much this content has shifted its focus to connection. No one cares about your daredevil antics, shopping hauls, and sponsored content. Nobody wants to shop. We want connection. We want to watch people live their genuine lives. The only content I want to digest nowadays are ASMR, vlogs about boring normal everyday life, yoga meditation, and peaceful 5am Animal Crossing island tour walkthroughs. I need peace, quiet, and calm in a world that’s out of control.
Mental Health
On a more personal note, I haven’t been very inspired to do anything creative lately. I’m not accomplishing anything in life besides the bare minimum and there just isn’t much to look forward to.
A little over a month ago, I experienced my own Covid scare. My roommate had visited a family member who ended up testing positive, and neither of us knew if we were affected. We self-isolated in our own bedrooms over them 4th of July holiday weekend before getting tested, then spent another 5 days waiting for both our results. Let me know tell you, that shit ain’t fun. Being entirely alone and anxious that my own bathroom or kitchen could get me sick traumatized me to a whole new level. I couldn’t freely walk around my own apartment. I couldn’t use the bathroom without turning into a mad germaphobe. I sat alone in j̶a̶i̶l̶ my room, crying to the sound fireworks that Independence Day. Welcome to the land of the free.
(We both tested negative and we’re okay now! 10/10 would not recommend this experience!)
True joys in life
This year is forcing us to slow down and practice patience. Put vacations and social life on hold, but create meaning in your life in other ways. The world conditions you to believe that “trying new things” is traveling to exotic places and spending money on curated “experiences.” But finding new music to fall in love with, exploring your creativity, or attempting to learn a new skill you’ve always been bad at can bring you just as much, if not even more, joy and excitement.
I’ve been finding meaning through music, self-care, and really allowing myself to follow my curiosity. I’m cooking, practicing gratitude, and trying hard to actually acknowledge my true feelings, especially when I’m burnt out. When that happens I take time to focus on learning, because I know that always reenergizes me in a healthy way.
Life is a lot more peaceful now. I’m so overwhelmed by our world I need time to recharge and do the things I truly want to do. I don’t want to take a walk outdoors; I want to do yoga in a quiet room. I don’t want to watch Netflix; I want to dance to Lauv alone in my bedroom. I don’t want another darn Zoom happy hour; I want to sit with my guitar.
When it’s time to be social again, I’ll be more than happy to throw parties, travel the world, jump out of a plane. But right now, I want to pause, be with myself, and find peace. I think if we get anything out of this year. It’s that we can live our lives a little more calmly, a little more authentically.
