Things I wish I knew before postpartum
The anticipation of the pain of birth is scarier than the actual birth. They tell you about the pain you’ll feel, but rarely the strength you hold.
Fix the little things in your house you’ve been putting off. You’ll be spending a lot of time at home so investment in the good furniture and splurge a little on conveniences.
You’ll suddenly have a job that’s around the clock. There are no breaks. You live in 45 minute naps now.
Breastfeeding will not come naturally. It has a high learning curve and can only really be learned by doing. See a lactation consultant as early as possible.
You don’t ultimately measure the worth of your baby based on how many hours of sleep they get, so if they’re not perfect sleepers, so what?
Read The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, and learn about the very real fourth trimester. Understand things from the perspective of your baby and learn how to trigger their calming reflex. This book completely changed my relationship to my baby.
You’ll hate how much you rely on Amazon Prime.
There is so much unspoken struggle that comes with being a new parent. You may think you’re mentally strong, but hormones are stronger. Journaling helps. And know that the hormones will settle down soon enough.
Every mom gets what you’re going through. Reach out to any one of them at any time without any context and ask/complain about anything. They’ll get it.
Even though the baby is out, the body is still not yours 100% because your breasts now cater another human. Prioritize stretching when all the breastfeeding turns your back into one giant knot.
Rest is important and it doesn’t always take the form of sleep. Do what you need to do to rest and regain sanity. For me, naps did more harm that good. So instead, I “rested” by working on my creative projects (photography, videos, blogging) and texting my mom friends.
Be fiercely protective of who you let into your orbit during that first month of mood swings. Negative energy (oftentimes in the form of unwelcome advice) will make everything worse. So be selective.
The first month is pure survival. If you’re a natural planner, this time will be extremely difficult. Take it day by day. Everyday will be different, which means if today sucked, tomorrow will be different.
Be selfish in your demands from your partner. You will always be doing more than they will. So ask for help.
Experiment with methods, find what works for you and your family. There aren’t hard and fast rules for anything parenting-related.
When you’re full of anger, sadness, grief, or even regret, read motherhood poetry to see a different perspective. I love the work of Jessica Urlichs.
They say you meet your baby when you give birth to them, but I think you don’t truly meet them until their first smile (around month two). In the early newborn stage, don’t set your expectations high when it comes to emotional bonding. Small babies are just a human Tamagotchis. Keep loving them even if they don’t seem to respond to all your effort. They do love you back; they just can’t show it yet.
It gets better. It gets better. It gets better.
“There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”
It gets better. It gets better. It gets better.